36

Tries 6
Conversions 3

21

Tries 3
Conversions 3

Despite losing an hour with the clocks going forward, twenty of our ‘Top Guns’ still gathered for the last home game of this incredible season against the unknown and dangerous sounding Oxford Harlequins

It was a murky and dank old day with the pitch sodden from the overnight rain. With the resulting quagmire even the most mud loving aardvark might have opted to stay in its burrow but as we all know, nothing gets in the way of our lads and their love of rugby.

We played uphill in the first half and unusually the wind was blowing from the north onto our backs meaning that the slope advantage was at least partially mitigated. Fresh from refereeing the Six Nations, our international ghost referee ‘Winky’ Barnes was back to officiate with up and coming Ben Woodward, running the touchline.

Within the first few minutes, we were awarded a scrum just outside of the Harlequins 22 in the middle of the pitch following their knock on. From this position, classy flyhalf Ryan McBane, cunningly took the ball to the opposition defensive line before outfoxing them with a perfectly weighted grubber kick which caught the defenders flat footed allowing our Captain Marvellous and man of the match centre, Alex Moore, to pounce dotting the ball down under the posts for a well worked TRY. Charlie Langmaid converted with his new very stylish looking and effective kicking technique.

Try by Alex Moore with conversion from Charlie Langmaid
7-0

It looked that this might be a one sided affair, but Harlequins used the slope to counter straight away leaving us camped on our own line. They would surely have scored if not for our wunderkind and number 8, Max Stanley-Jones, who is a doppelganger for Richie McCaw, with his last ditch tackle and was then back on his feet in a flash to win the crucial turnover penalty. However, a while later and under more pressure, our clearance kick missed touch and Harlequins counter-attacked going wide to their impressive loose forward who beat several of our scrambling defenders to score a well deserved TRY which they converted.

Try and conversion by Oxford Harlequins
7-7

We had to work hard to get back into the opposition half which, through disciplined phase play, we managed to do and were awarded another scrum in a dangerous position just outside the opposition 22. From the base, our iron man Max Stanley Jones, did a ‘pick and go’ building impressive momentum within a few short metres to take several of their defenders with him as he crashed over the line for a fantastic first phase TRY near the sticks which Charlie Langmaid converted.

Try by SJ with conversion from Charlie Langmaid
14-7

A while later, we had again worked our way into their half and there followed a period of scrappy (understandable given the conditions) ‘too and fro’ before the soap-like ball squirted out of the melee into loose play and onto the path of ruthless right winger and try scoring phenomena, Isaac Evans, who still had a lot of work to do. He used his searing pace and then a trademark ‘in and out’ to get on the outside of the scrambling defence and score a great TRY in the corner.

Try by Isaac Evans
19-7

Just before half time and from another scrum in their half Gladiator Maximus went blind from the scrum base creating an overlap with a one handed offload to our flyer, Isaac Evans, who had a similar amount of work to do as his previous try. He again used his explosive pace down the wing and it looked like their fullback had him covered but he again used his perfected ‘in out’ to hold him up just enough and go over, then run around to score an absolutely incredible TRY under the posts which Charlie Langmaid converted. This astonishing effort really reminded us of Jason Robinson’s similar try for the 2001 Lions in Australia (watch the clip) where he held up floundering fullback Chris Latham with a similarly devastating ‘in out’.

Try by Isaac Evans with conversion from Charlie Langmaid
26-7

The half time whistle blew with us comfortably ahead. During the halftime and rather muddy ‘umhlangano’, the simple message was more of the same as we had a decent buffer to capitalise on. It was great to hear the positive and wise words from this ‘band of brothers’ who understand the game more than many seasoned veterans.

Now with the slope and expecting an easier time of it in the second half, we worked our way into the opposition territory through impactful flyhalf, Barney Heath-Smith, who both distributed and kicked with accuracy given the tricky conditions. He spread the ball wide to sensational centre Sam Stevens who threw an outrageous dummy to make a searing break and was unlucky not to go all the way having been caught just short following a superb tackle from the defenders.

After more pressure, we looked to have scored a certain forward try through our powerhouse prop, Luke ‘Skywalker’ Smith, but the ball got cruelly dislodged from his grasp just over the line for what would have been a well-deserved try. Then, rather surprisingly and sniffing a comeback, Harlequins rallied and started to turn the screw on us working their way up the field to score a powerful statement of a TRY running through our midfield which they converted.

Try and conversion by Oxford Harlequins
26-14

With Harlequins now in the ascendancy, it looked like they were certain to score again with a break down the blind if it were not for our lionhearted lock and vice-captain, Charlie Houlston. For a moment, he became part man and part yeti, putting in a not-so-tender bear hug of a tackle which must have seemed like a total solar eclipse to their lad, bundling him into touch.

A while later, our awesome number 8, smart Angus ‘Zinzan’ Walker, won a crucial penalty getting over the ball in a ruck, giving us some much-needed respite. We managed to survive the onslaught and then were able to get back on the front foot. Following a scrum deep in their half, Angus read the play beautifully to go blind from the base of the scrum, drawing in several players before off-loading, and the ball then moved through a number of hands in quick succession to end up with dashing fullback, Henry Brock, who used his blistering pace to go in at the corner for a pressure-relieving TRY.

Try by Henry Brock
31-14

Back on the front foot and deep in their half, there followed another period of understandable scrappy play before our man mountain, Luke, who was not going to be robbed again, took matters into his own hands, crashing over like a powerful tugboat from short-range to score a well deserved TRY which ripped the heart out of the Harlequins morale.

Try by Luke Smith
36-14

This nine-try pulsating game ended with a well-deserved TRY to Harlequins following a great chip behind our defenders, which they converted.

Try and conversion by Oxford Harlequins
36-21

A special mention to several players. Our front row was outstanding today, and given that we did not have any reserves, they played the full 70 minutes with no respite. Our props, gritty Luke ‘Skywalker’ Smith and gutsy Ben ‘Rocky’ Chandler have shown their mettle to this team time and again over many seasons, and today was no exception in these Flander’s like conditions.

Meanwhile, dogged and usually blond hooker Sam Woodward, who had another impactful game for us both in the loose and the tight, was sporting a more trendy ‘Toni & Guy’ ochre shade to his hair colour – the mud look suits you Sam!!!.

Valiant lock Chung Lu always gives us 120%, and his power was noted in our dominant scrum, where he contributed massively in the engine room. He is also very mobile and this was particularly important today in the muddy conditions where he helped us to secure our own ball on numerous occasions in the slimy loose.

Finally, talented and rarely ruffled scrum half Harry Burridge played the full game for us, and his passing was of the usual highest quality, which was so important given we were playing with, what seemed like, a bar of soap rather than a rugby ball for much of the game.

I don’t think the Old Pats Everest Road ‘fortress’ has ever seen anything like this special team and the brand of rugby they play – our lads have become urban legends in their own right and will be remembered for generations to come.

Just two tough games away from immortality, next Sunday, they play formidable Saracens, and then on the 16th April we play Minchinhampton – our lads are not complacent and take nothing for granted as they know they must keep learning and improving against these tough teams.

A special thank you to both ‘Winky’ Barnes, who refereed a great game today, and to Ben Woodward, who usurped the usual talented (& grateful) touch judge to help officiate this game. Also, thank you to the supporters for their photographs, some of which are included in this report. Your correspondent was particularly touched by the flattering model shots, clearly photoshopped and now copyrighted, of an athletic scribe patrolling the touchline, and with these, his agent has secured a lucrative Calvin Klein modelling contract at the end of this season. For the sake of preventing a hot flush, he has not included any of these racy photos in the report!

Finally, on behalf of our wonderful boys, a special mention to their long-suffering parents, good luck and thank you for washing the kit today, which might be a challenge given the mud!!!

Hein le Roux